Hey,

I’m Nicola

I am a mama of 4 and I have had a rollercoaster of a life (as Ronan Keeting would say). I used to think I was worthless, like I was nothing and a waste of oxygen. I believed I was a terrible mama, I was plagued by my past and I had no control overly my life, my emotions or reactions. I was lost, scared and saw no hope. I now use my past pains to fuel my passion. I not only have the qualification of counselling but I have lived and breathed a life with mental illnesses too. I found my crutch in exercise and went on to study personal training, so I can add this to my belt of skills. Armed & ready to help save the mamas who think they are beyond saving anymore.

My Passion

“To help mamas who suffer with their mental health to gain control of their moods and emotions.”

My Story

 I was that mama petrified of the future and how my mental health was affecting my children. I was a mama who had no control over her moods or emotions. I loved my children so much, but I felt that the best option for them, was for me to take my own life to not be that negative impact and burden on them and my family anymore. I was in the deepest darkest places, and one day I found myself shouting at two ambulance crew who had just frantically managed to save me, moments from successfully ending my own life. I remember fighting them back, not letting or wanting them to save me. I hated them for not letting me go, for not letting me set my children free.

Now I am so grateful for my life and so blessed to now have had another child and be a mama of 4 amazing children. I am a good mama and I am in control of my moods and emotions. Yes I have my struggles still, but everyday I make simple adjustments to ensure that I am always stronger than my mind.

This is my passion, to help other mamas who feel there is nothing but fear, pain and being trapped by their mind. No mama should ever feel like this, no mama should ever feel like the best thing for her children is for them to not be their mama. My mission in life is that every mama I work with, I will help her to regain control of her moods and emotions. To help her not be scared of what she might be capable of, to not believe those intrusive thoughts. I will make mamas feel worthy, confident, loveable and most of all proud of who she is and the mama she is too.

I know that you can become stronger than your mind. I have the experience coupled with the qualifications and skills to not only continue to help myself but to help people just like you who think they are not good enough to be a mama. I got you!

 

My journey

 

I studied and trained as a person centred counsellor and was set on a career of helping others who had been through a difficult childhood. I was part way though this journey in touching distance of finishing my Law degree so I could apply to the police and become a family liasion officer, working with child victims of sexual abuse.

But, before just before I finished my Law degree I realised many of my own wombs from my childhood where wide open. Unable to deal with them, I did the worse thing possible. I tried to put a lid on them and pretend nothing was going on. For years I lied to myself I told myself I had lied about being sexually abused by my dad, I told my self I was awful but it didn’t happen. That it was all just one big lie. I was also trapped in a very unhealthy and mentally abusive relationship with an extremely possessive partner. I was 18 and already had a son with him. I stayed in this lie, this unhealthy place for many years. Going on to have two more children and creating a lot more wombs from the abusive relationship I was in.

But I am so proud that with three young children, no career just certificates. I left my ex and had no idea what to do or who I was. I didn’t know what it was like to have freedom, of any sort I had been his possession for 6 and half years. But here I was, doing a law degree and almost at the end of it too. Finally having a plan of how I would use my previous counselling qualifications.

Of course, the lid came off like a pressure cooker exploding. I suddenly realised I was suffering, badly from mental illnesses. I attempted to take my own life (and tried again several more times too). My life spiralled out of control. I lost my grip on my entire life. I spent several years, struggling and trying to stay alive. I was consumed and controlled by my mental illness. I was having flash backs I was hearing my dads voice in my head daily and genuinely believed it was him, and that if I told anyone I would be sectioned for the rest of my life. I wasn’t able to understand, in the midst of it all that it was complex PTSD. I was though having to face the truth, the truth that I had in fact told the truth back when I was just 8 years old, that for some time my dad had been sexually abusing me. All the trauma from it, and the aftermath of it coming out where all so raw all these years on. On top of all these other traumas and discovering that I just didn’t react to day to day life the same as everyone else. Always being told that I was over reacting to things, but to me things hurt, a lot. Or things made me extremely angry I didn’t seem to have a middle emotion it was all or nothing. It was depressive episodes being able to clean myself, to clean my house, to leave the house, for months I was unable to make it much further than to the gate in my front yard. I was suffering with depression, anxiety, complex ptsd and also bpd.  

Then after several attempts to take my own life I hit a point. It wasn’t what people usually say either. It wasn’t for my children the way most people say, because for a very long time I truly believe they where better of with anyone except me. But in a dark place I told myself, that seen as I was that thick that I wasn’t even able to kill myself, that I might as well start to see if there was a way I could learn to live with all this. So, slowly, I started to regain my control. I started to use the skills I learned as a counsellor. I started to accept that my life hadn’t been the fairy-tale we all hope it will be. I started to accept that I got to decide if I was a victim or not. I realised that I had all the power I needed, within me, to change and to regain my control over my life and my mental health.

I used my existing counselling knowledge, gained so much more knowledge and qualifications. Even becoming a qualified personal trainer, to bring me to where I am now. A mental health practitioner helping mamas who struggle with their mental health. I adore what I do. I know that all I have been through has enabled me to help so many mamas to beyond the point of empathy because I have actually lived the dark days too. I am grateful for the lessons that my life has taught me. My pains have truly become my passion.

I haven’t just read the books, I haven’t just taken the exams. I have lived and breathed it too. I have several mental illnesses which I manage on top of a family of 4 children and running a business. This is what sets me apart from the services offered on the NHS. This is what makes me so powerful for you to have as your supporter. Because, I am in this with you! We are in this together. I have got you.

Read all about it - No1 Amazon best seller

Back in 2018 I was asked to contribute to a book full of truly inspirational women. Despite being absolutely terrified. I accepted and began the painful process of writing my chapter (chapter 17). It took some real lady balls to do what I did. The book reaching number 1 in some of the top amazon categories was worth it though. I feel so empowered to have shared a bit of my journey and to be able to call myself a published author. You can get a copy here (kindle copies are only 99p) and read not only mine, but several other truly inspiring stories from women across the UK. 

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