As I type this summer is upon us we are enjoying, an amazingly hot spring and look set for another hot bank holiday weekend (yes, I do live in the UK and this is not a lie) So, we are all wearing less and now realising that we want the summer body. All you have to do is open your eyes, diet and fitness advice is everywhere! It is a multi-billion-pound industry. There is no shortage of information, diets or experts just ready and waiting to help you. And there is so much available for FREE! Yet, there is still a growing epidemic of obesity and diabetes. WHY? And why can you shift a little bit of weight initially but then never sustain it? Why do those ‘diets’ those workout plans just not work for you? Why are you always putting more weight back on?
It just isn’t for you…
Maybe your just destined to not have a summer body, to not be able to make the changes you want to make. Let’s forget diets and body crap for a moment. Maybe you want to get to grips with your mental health, maybe your sick of being in the deepest dark depths of your mental health. You take the pills the Dr give you and you join support groups. But you just can’t get out of it. You do but then you fall back down again so you might as well just stay there. This is just who you are. You are you and no matter what you do or how hard you try you just can’t change?
You need to wait tell the time is right…
So, ok it isn’t for you right now and that because of (insert excuse here) time, money, circumstances there will be plenty of excuses you tell yourself. I cant make the change right not because I don’t have time to go the gym, because I can’t make healthy meals as the kids won’t eat them, don’t have the money, need to be on the pills for longer before you can change, need to have a new house, a new job, a new partner, find a partner…
The list literally will go on forever, one excuse will be resolved but you will find another, don’t worry.
THE TIME IS NOW, BUT HOW?
So, what is it then, why and how do you change and make new habits or end old habits. And how do you go about it now? And why bother when you have already tried everything else and proven to your self it just doesn’t work for you?
You are the reason it had never happened, why you have never made that new change or ended an old habit. Because you have never accepted or thought about changing you. Not seriously not on a long term basis. You see it as a short term thing and already sell yourself short and before you have even begun. And you don’t do the main thing, you don’t change you!! In order to change you need to change you! You need to become a new you. The old you does that old habit, the old you doesn’t do the new habit. So you can not and will not change anything without changing you. You can have all the information in the world, pay for all the plans, take all the tabs. But things will never change unless you change you! You have to change from the inside. You have to change in your mind. You have to change your identity, change who you are.
How I changed me…
I was Nicola, I was bubbly, I made people laugh, I was driven, took no messing and the life and soul of the party and was always busy. I was a good friend but never got too serious. I loved materialist things and being busy. Never sitting still and getting so drunk at weekends I wouldn’t even remember who I was, and I’d ignore my drunken outbursts, as just that, just drunken outbursts. I was just the emotional or angry drunk. I just brought up my past when drunk. I just blamed who I was on the past. I just plodded on through. Doing a law degree, I had no passion, love or desire for. But it would look good and as a single mum to 3 kids, it was the right thing to do. Go to uni, set a good example and live my life behind a desk never seeing my children, but having a respectable job that would make ends meet.
I was a mess! I was hiding myself deep inside and playing a character, I deserved a golden globe for how I acted. I was so good at it. I’d had years of practise, years of hiding me. That much so, I didn’t even know who I really was.
Then bam I got ill. I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety and potentially more but we were waiting to assess that. I let it go, I dropped the act and became a shell. I stayed inside, I didn’t speak with anyone, go anywhere or do anything and I walked away from my law degree even though I was halfway through my final year. I wallowed and resigned to the fact the act was over and this was me. A shell of emptiness that had acted for so long I had lost who I even was. I didn’t want to be like this, but I was, there was nothing I could do. I just wasn’t the one who could go for a walk, the one to do a workout because the Dr says it would help, I just wasn’t the one who could overcome or live like this. It just wasn’t me. It wasn’t my fault, it was because of my traumatic childhood. It wasn’t my fault, it was because of my abusive ex partner (who i’d now left but made my life very difficult), it wasn’t my fault, I had no money, It wasn’t my fault, I had no time. It wasn’t my fault I just couldn’t be a better person, it wasn’t my fault, I just had no motivation. The list goes on and on and on and it did for some years.
Until I changed! I accepted I was ill. I accepted it was a part of me I accepted the new me. I was Nicola Parker and I had mental illnesses. I was scared, I was ashamed but I was ready to change! I became a new me. I became the mentally ill me. I then reached out for help, I started to exercise like the Dr had suggested. I became a new me and then I started on my mission to become stronger than my mind. The new me is just that. She isn’t the old me trying to change. I changed me and will continue to change what I do, how I do it and why I do it and I will continue to do so. Because we are forever evolving and changing. But the first step to any change to making long term long lasting change is YOU.
YOU HAVE TO CHANGE
The take away, the point to this blog, isn’t to look for a path to walk down, it isn’t to look for a new plan, or diet or habit. It is to look at who you are. Get clear on who you are now and then get even clearer on who you want to be! This is the starting point when I work with my new clients in my Stronger Than Your Mind Academy. This is where it all begins. Who you are and who do you want to be and learning to love you for you!
I only allow new submissions to my academy 3 times per year, but you can register your interest and join the waiting list using the form below.
Free online support group
I run a free facebook support group
(the information is also shared onto my instagram feed which can be found here)
It is a private group, so comments are not shown in your main newsfeed, nor does it show up as a group you have joined. So, you can comment and particpate without anyone knowing (except other members of course).
We are friendly, non judgemental group who aren’t afraid of having a laugh while also working hard and digging deep.